Am I sexually uninhibited with my spouse?
What is your answer? How would your spouse answer? Being uninhibited simply means no restraint or restriction. To connect in utter freedom. The opposite of this definition some may term "frigid", "plain", or "boring". Couples that want to cultivate a nurturing, authentic marriage connection must be brave enough to not only answer this question about the sex in their relationship but also challenge each other to grow to a place of no restraints. Sexual incompatibility is one of the top three reasons couples divorce.
If your truth is that you don't have complete freedom sexually in your marriage. Don't be discouraged or seek outside avenues for resolve. Consider the following:
Commit the challenge to prayer. In that prayer, ask God to help you temper your words towards your spouse on the subject matter. Ask Him to remove any fear, shame, guilt and/ or doubt from your heart as it pertains to sex with your mate.
Ask your spouse to be honest and open with you about what pleases them. Be willing to be open to their response without judgement and be honest with them about your level of comfort with what they share.
Give yourself permission to at least try one of the pleasures your spouse enjoys. After all, you have a lifetime together to try new and exciting things.
Take it slow and be patient with the process especially if this is your first REAL attempt at finding resolve for your sexual disconnect.
Explore resources like books, novelties or websites related to your sexual interests to enhance and aide in discovering pleasure. Go to a lingerie or novelty site/ store and shop together. Each of you can choose an item that sparks your curiosity.
Return to flirting and foreplay to rebuild a level of comfort.
These steps should assist you in getting started towards sexual authenticity in your marriage. Remember God ordained the marriage bed undefiled (Hebrews 13:4) and He blessed marriage for more than procreation. Sex should be a pleasurable experience that yields both an opportunity to express their hearts attraction. It promotes connection, trust, peace and joy. And the joy of the Lord is our strength! We use that strength to deal with life stressors of work, children, family, home and community. So, in essence sex promotes the balance we need to function in all the other aspects of life.
Stefanie Hughes, LMFT, CHT, CST
Stefanie has a private practice in Fayetteville, Georgia. (Your Therapist Office, LLC)
You can also follow Stefanie on Twitter @StefieSails and Facebook Stefanie Hughes, LMFT.